CHAPTER FOUR

The Young Life of Paul

Paul was growing up to be like his mother, thin and small. His blond hair had turned red and then dark brown. His eyes were gray. He was a quiet child, with eyes that always seemed to look deep within the person he was watching.

He seemed older than his age should be, and was always sensitive to what other people thought about him.

As he grew older he became stronger. William was too much older for him to be close, so Paul belonged to Annie. She loved her little brother very much.

All the children were totally against their father, siding always with their mother. Morel continued to get drunk and angry. There were times, stretching for months, when he made the life of the family a misery. Paul never forgot coming home one night to find his mother with a black eye. His father was standing with his head bowed and William looked at him with great anger. There was silence as he entered but none of the elder family members looked at him or explained what happened.

William's face was white. His fists were closed. He waited till the children were quiet. Then he said:

"You coward ... you wouldn't do it if I was home."

Morel's blood was boilings He turned round on his son. William was bigger, but Morel was as hard as stone from his work in the mine.

"Wouldn't I? You be careful young man or I'll give you something to complain about!" Morel replied.

They moved towards each other, ready to do battle.

"Stop it, both of you," cried Mrs Morel. "In front of the children no less. Look at them."

"Look at the children, you say—you terrible little dog. What have I done to them!" he shouted.

Everything was quiet for a while. Then Morel angrily went off to bed. It was the end of another day.

Paul hated his father. He would pray at night:

"Make him stop drinking. Lord, let my father die at the mine."

When Morel did not return for dinner the whole family would start to worry. The thought of him sitting and getting drunk in his dirty clothes made Mrs Morel feel sick. She knew that a man who did this would bring no good to himself or his family.

He was shut out from all family business. No one told him anything. The children would always tell their mother about their days. They would leave nothing out. But as soon as their father came in, everything stopped. He was always aware of this sudden silence. But now it had been happening for too long to change.

He would have loved the children to talk to him, but they could not. Sometimes Mrs Morel would say:

"You should tell your father."

But they never did.

The only time he entered the family life was when heHiad some work to do. If he was fixing boots or a pot, he would always ask the children for help. They enjoyed this, for when their father had a job to do with his hands he was a different man. He was happy and would sing and tell them stories about life in the mine. The children were always very interested to hear his stories at times like these. But these times of gentle happiness could never make them forget the times of pain and anger.

Paul was a boy who was often sick. The other children rarely were. One day he came home at lunch-time feeling very weak.

"What's the matter with you?" his mother asked.

"Nothing," he replied.

But he ate no lunch, so his mother made him lay down. He spent the afternoon half-awake listening to her do her work. He became so sick that he had to spend weeks in bed.

He did not mind much. He thought that there was nothing he could do to change his situation, so it was no use worrying about it. At night he would lay in bed watching the fire's light playing on the wall, imagining men and battles.

His father was always gentle to anyone that was sick.

Before going to bed Morel would come into Paul's room to see how he was doing. But Paul only felt bad when his father was in the room. He wanted his mother.

Paul loved to sleep with his mother. Sleep is most perfect when shared with someone you love. He lay against her and slept and in the peace he found laying next to her, he got better.

After William had left for Nottingham, it was Paul who became Mrs Morel's closest friend. Paul had always been a little jealous of the attention his mother gave to William, so now he was perfectly happy.

It was Paul's job to collect his father's money on Fridays. This meant that he had to go to the mine's office and wait in line with many others. A man behind a desk would call each of the miner's names and he or one of his family, would step forward to collect the money. Paul always felt nervous waiting for his father's name to be called in the crowded room. He was very shy.

When Morel's name was called, Paul was behind a large group of men at the back of the room. He called out, but he was not heard. The man called Morel again. All the other people in the room began to look around and call out. Still Paul could not be heard. Finally he made his way to the front. Now all eyes were on him and he felt very nervous. The time it took to collect the money seemed like forever to him. All he wanted was to be out of the room.

When he got home he told his mother that he would never again go to collect his father's pay.

"Then you must tell your father that," she said.

Paul continued to collect the money on Fridays.

Friday nights were baking nights. Paul would stay home and watch that nothing burned. He would sit and draw. Happy to be alone and happy to be doing what he loved. Mrs Morel would be shopping at the markets. This was her weekly adventure. People came to the markets from all the surrounding towns. There was a sense of excitement in the air.

Mrs Morel loved to find a nice little dish or cup that she could buy cheaply. If she found such a treasure, she would always rush home looking like a schoolgirl who has just won a prize. She would always ask Paul:

"Guess how much I spent on this?"

When his answer was more than she had spent, which it always was, she would laugh with great pleasure. So, each of the family had their little activities in life that gave them happiness.

They were very poor that autumn. William had just gone away to London, and Mrs Morel missed the money he used to give her. Now he sent money rarely. He wrote often to his mother telling her about his life in the big city. She wrote back very quickly, long and loving letters. He was still in her thoughts most of the day.

He was coming home at Christmas for five days. Mrs Morel was busy getting everything ready. Paul and Arthur were sent to find all of William's favorite things. Annie was busy making the house look beautiful. The whole house was alive with excitement.

William was coming on Christmas Eve. Mrs Morel looked at all the food she had made. There were all the cakes and pies that William enjoyed. The house smelled like a bakery. The three children had gone to the train station to meet him. The wife and husband sat silently. The time of his arrival came and went, yet still there was no sign of him.

"What time did you say he was coming?" asked Morel.

"The train arrives at half past six," she answered.

"He should be here by now then,"

"Don't be stupid. The train from London on Christmas Eve is always late," she said.

Meanwhile the three children were at the train station waiting. They waited an hour, a train came but William did not get off it. It was very cold. Paul wanted to ask someone when the London train was due, but he was too afraid to do so. They kept waiting.

They all grew silent. He wasn't coming they thought. They looked in the direction of London; it seemed a whole world away.

At last, after more than two hours, they saw the lights of a train coming around the corner. It stopped the doors flew open and out jumped William. They all ran to meet him.

At home the parents were now very worried. Mrs Morel sat in her best dress, pretending to read. Then there was the sound of voices and footsteps. It was him!

Mrs Morel ran to the door to meet her son.

"Mother!" he cried.

"My boy, you are home at last."

Morel and his son shook hands. He was a fine young man, dressed very well and looking very successful. He had brought them many different presents, things that they had never seen in their little town. Everyone was full of happiness. He told them endless stories about the wonders of London.

The family was all at home. And they loved their home on this night, no matter what suffering there had been. Many people from the town came to see William. They all thought that he was a fine young man with a very bright future.

When he went away again the children were all very sad. Morel went to bed feeling miserable. Mrs Morel felt as if she had died a little. All her senses stopped working. She loved him very much.

William was working for a lawyer who was dealing with a large shipping company. They offered him a trip on one of their boats during his summer holiday.

"You should go William. You may never get the chance again," his mother told him.

But William came home for his two weeks holiday in the summer. Not even a free trip across the seas, which seemed a great adventure to the young man, could make him give up a chance to come home. At the bottom of her heart, this made Mrs Morel very happy. She felt that she was still the most important thing in her son's life. And as he was the shining light of her life, nothing could have pleased her more.

(end of section)